He Catches their Tears

I remember years ago when I was living at home with my family and my Mommy told me that - "this isn't just your pain, our whole family is going though this." I remember the tears she shed talking about the grief of losing the hope of biological grandchildren through me. I remember her talking about how her and my Daddy had discussed my possible near death after I had a respiratory arrest once. I have seen my husband weep bitterly on behalf of my pain. I have heard him beg God to relieve the agony I was in. I have seem many worried looks from those that I love the most.

The grief is not mine alone.

Perhaps the grief of others is the hardest part of being sick for me. I feel like I can handle the grief for myself to some extent, but knowing that my pain and illness hurts those closest to me is almost unbearable. An important thing to realize is that my health is not something that I chose for myself. I have been given this illness for some reason, and God knows what I and what those around me need in life. It all comes down to trusting God with those that I love as well as with my own life.

He catches every one of their tears on my behalf.

P.S.

THANKS to all of you who have commented encouraging me to keep going with this! It makes me so excited every time I see a new comment ... keep on enjoying life with me!

Fighting the Monster

Have you even had those moments that seem like life stands still? I was standing in the kitchen today - feeling really horribly sick, and it felt like the grief just of physically being so sick was going to gobble me up whole. It felt like time stopped, and it was just me and the Grief. But, I don't want the Grief to win. I want to live and not be consumed by the grief.

This is a choice that I have to wake up and make every day. There is going to be grief in life - for those of us with chronic pain or illness and for those with pain of other sorts - grief is unavoidable. But being consumed is not. It is a battle sometimes to get up and face the monster Grief and come out victorious. But the amazing feeling of victory and joy that comes when that battle is over - so so worth it!