Monday, March 16, 2015

Smiley Baby

Sweetest Little Baby,

Three months ago right now we were about to board a flight headed over the wide vast Pacific ocean to meet you.  We hadn't even known you were ours for 8 hours yet and we were about to have you placed into our arms.  What a three months this has been!  We have learned and grown so much in the last three months, and experienced a lifetime full of joys, sadness and awe.  We still feel like this is a wonderful dream and we still feel like we are the most luckiest of all people to be YOUR parents, Genesis Evan.  We love you more than we knew it was possible to love.  You are our son, and our lives will never be the same.  Here are some of the moments (joy filled and tear filled) we have been having over these three months:

(photo by Constance Starks)

* Seeing your cousin Evie hold you for the first time you were just a little over 2 weeks old - her 2 year old reaction was the reaction I think we all have had on the inside when we realize all that God has done in giving you to our family.  As soon as I placed you in her arms you she said: "CUUUTEEE!" and then let out the most joyful belly laugh!  She kept looking at you and then laughing and she was positively shaking with joy at the amazing miracle that you are.  You are so loved sweet boy - but all your grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends ... I often tell you that you are the most loved baby in all the world.

* Carrying you into our home.  Being home with our sweet baby at 3 weeks old - just the three of us.  Absolute bliss.  We just stared at you and cuddled you and I nursed you and your Papa took pictures of you and laughed as you tried to suck your thumb.  We became a family.

* Your first "cold". The first night we were home you started to seem sick - we all had a cold, but yours progressed into trouble breathing so about a week after coming home we took you to the ER where they got worried because you were so tiny and your cough was so bad and your oxygen level was too low. So they sent you and me on a medical jet (a jet so small they were afraid I might not be able to go with you - that was some of the worst fear of my life thinking they might take you away and I would have to follow on the different flight!) in the middle of the night on your first month birthday to a bigger hospital.  We were stuck an island away from the Papa and without family or close friends - but God sent some angels to us who brought me coffee, and clothes and brought you cuddles.  The morning after we were flown you were so weak and I leaned over the crib where you were tethered with tons of wires and tubes.  You let out a weak whimper and I said: "Baby, I know you feel horrible, but you are strong and you need to fight hard to keep breathing, you can make it through this. FIGHT hard baby, don't leave us."  The doctors kept saying how babies with what you had stop breathing and how dangerous it is - you had RSV.  We spent 5 days in the hospital.  Such a hard way to start our life together, but it bonded you and I even more I think.

* Hearing your Papa read to you, and hearing how you love to coo and "talk" to him.  You love interacting with your Papa.  You turn to Mama for comfort and going to sleep, but you enjoy your Papa for just handing out and being buddies together.  I love seeing his huge hands holding your tiny self.  You are protected so well by him Genesis.

* The day I went back to work, I always wanted to be a stay at home mama - and someday I will be, but for now we need me to be working.  So I went back after just 6 weeks with you.  The first day I dropped you off I felt like part of me was missing.  As I drove away from the babysitter's house I glanced in the baby mirror reflected in the rear-view mirror and my heart dropped when I didn't see your little face.  I hadn't left you for longer than a few minutes since the moment I laid eyes on you - and it felt so wrong to be without you.  It's been about 6 weeks working now and I still feel like a part of my body is missing when I'm away from you.  Hardest thing by far of being your mama up to now.

* The first time you reached up and touched my face - and left your little fingers on my chin.  I melted.

* The day when I came home from work and you smiled and got soooo excited to see me!  I felt like the most popular person in the world!

* Your laughing in your sleep - you've done it almost from day one, and you just started doing it when you're away over the past week.  It's THE BEST.

Thank you sweet boy, for making our lives so full.  We love you.

~ Your Mama