A letter to our Someday Babies

{I don't know where, or when, or how they will come to us - but I know that someday I want them to know without question how much they were loved and wanted today}

Dear, sweet, chosen, deeply loved Someday Babies,

Today I was listening to a CD your Papa made for our journey to find you - and the song is currently one that I am loving: "If you're tossing and you're turning and you just can't fall asleep, I'll sing a song beside you; and if you ever forget how much you really mean to me, every day I will remind you."(Bruno Mars)... And I don't know, precious ones, when you will come to us, or where you are right now, I don't know if you are sleeping, or awake and unable to sleep - I don't know if you are born, or not.  But, what I do know is that you are here inside my heart already, you mean so so much to me and your Papa -  and if it takes every day for the rest of my life, I will remind you of this truth.

I love you with abandon.  

I've abandoned the thought of anything else I have ever wanted in my life.  And I would gladly abandon so much more for you sweetheart: I would abandon where I want to live, I would abandon any job that I love, I would abandon sleep, I would abandon playing in the waves alone with your Papa any time I want, I would abandon my tidy living room, I would abandon spontaneous sushi dates, and oh my children ... I would abandon so much more.  

Babies, I feel you inside my heart, like a hundred butterflies both humbly gentle and demanding of attention at the same time.  Throughout every day I think of you a million and one times, and even the rare moments when I don't have a conscious thought of you - the feeling of you is always there.  And I love you.  Every moment I love you.  So tonight my Babies, I'll lay down to sleep, and I'll hold a pillow with arms that long to hold you, and I just wanted you to know that even when I am sleeping my love for you is very wide awake.