Go back to bed!

Today for some reason I feel so sore that I just want to lay down and never get back up. It is better when I don't move or breath deeply. Every rib feels broken.

How can I handle this kind of pain? Sometimes, no matter how much you want to get done, or how much you want to be up and around - the only thing you can do is go back to bed - or lay on the couch. I have heard so many people critisize people who lay on the couch and (heaven forbid!) watch TV. And I have been pulled into that feeling at times. I don't think it is right even for those of us with chronic pain to just give up and lay around all the time watching TV. I think that it is a struggle for us to get up or even to read or do something "productive" like pray etc. when we feel bad. But I do think that at times, the best thing we can do is just go back to bed. I think I (and we) need to be very careful of using our pain as an excuse to be lazy. BUT I also think that I (we) need to be careful of becoming so intent on choosing life and being proactive about living in pain that we forget that sometimes the best thing is to rest. It doesn't mean we're lazy, it means we're wise. It takes humility to say that you can't do the things that the world (and yourself) want and expect of you. Each of us needs to judge for ourselves when and what we can and cannot do.

And sometimes the best choice is just to rest.

Faith Healing

Today I received a sweet card and book in the mail from a friend. The letter talked about how God has healed her of some health issues that were plauging her life. Ever since I first became quite sick (although I was never a healthy child)at age 16 and then even worse at age 18 - I have been in a continual study of how Christians handle illness in general. The vast difference between beliefs about healing, God's will, why people get sick, how to handle illness, when to use or not use doctors ... It has been an interesting study - but not always easy. Like the time when I was making copies in my college library (a Bible College mind you) ... a guy that I didn't even know well walked up and said something like: "So you are the girl who is sick - I am sure that you are possesed by a demon and that is what is making you sick."! Wow. I don't think that I even responded to him. But it did get me thinking: what makes a believer in God sick? Is it a lack of faith if I don't get well - is it a reflection on some sin in my life? Is it testing?

So - I wanted to get your feedback on illness in a believer's life? What about healing? It's a facinating subject and one that I would like to look into a little more again with the help of my blog friends! If you want to email me privately my email is aliwenz78@gmail.com

Social Situations 2

I get sad when people find out that I am "sick". It's funny because when I enter a new group of people or see people that I have never really met - I feel almost like a different person. I feel free from my pain if just for a moment. I feel like these people's view of me is wide open - they aren't seeing me with the narrow lense of my pain. I find myself longing to hold onto that first meeting - that time that I was just "Ali", or "Josh's wife" - not "Ali - the one with health problems". I feel like it helps me believe that I be more than just my health problems, that I have something to give other than being a living demonstration of "strngth in illness". I hate it when people tell me that I have more suffering in my life because of my constant battle with pain than anyone they know. I hate that people sometimes think of me as someone who has the market cornered on pain and illness. I hate it because it isn't true. EVERY person has some kind of pain or suffering in their lives. EVERY person. I hate self-pity, and I think when others pity me it makes it harder to fight against. I want to be more than just this!

BUT - all that said, I know that "this" is part of my life. That illness and physical pain are something that God has allowed in my life. I know that because of that it isn't something to be ashamed of - it isn't something to hide. God wants to use me just the way I am - sickness and all - to bring glory to HIS great name. Not to draw attention to myself at all - but to show people that I serve a good and strong God. I want to be willing to be that light in the world that God has called me to be - that God has called EVERY one of His children to be.

So - social situations should keep me on my toes. I should take every new meeting with someone as an opportunity to share the love of God into their lives. I guess the challenge that I am facing is how to be honest with the world and yet not just have the world hand me a label and think that I fit into a box. I want people to give me a chance - to give God a chance to show Himself.

Just some of my thoughts today ...