Thursday, December 15, 2011

Redemption of our Loss

Sometimes our biggest loses can become our biggest gains.   Seven years ago today I went in for surgery with the 50/50 chance that they would do a hysterectomy.  I honestly never really thought that would happen.  I thought that God would let me die on that operating table rather than ask me to live a life without my longest and deepest dream of carrying a baby inside me.  But I was wrong.  (and I am so thankful!)

Being married now (going on 2 and  half years) the pain of being barren is greater every day.  You would think it would get better with time - but as I see my friends and younger siblings having babies left and right and as I watch myself grow older I sometimes panic feeling like adoption is too long of a road for us and we're not even to the starting point yet.  

But then I remember the Lord I love with all my heart. 

And I remember that He is the great Redeemer.  His business is taking things that are not right, or useful, or perfect, or beautiful and making them great.  He took the sin of the whole world on His own shoulders and gave us hope and forgiveness - He turns loss into victory every day.  December 15 will never be forgotten for me.  But I want the grief I feel over the loss of being able to bear a child be a reminder of the greatness of the Redeemer I serve.  I want to always remember that God took this loss of mine (and now of my sweet Husband too) and turned it into our great gain.  If God brings us children to call our own on this earth - or finds some other way to use our love for children - I want His name to be praised.  

I know that His redemption of our loss will be beautiful even though I don't know exactly what it will look like yet - and that makes me super excited. :)

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ali, Merry Christmas and greetings from New York city. I love your blog because your faith is real and raw. I think that it is in the depth of longing for the very thing that the Lord chooses not to give now, or maybe even never, or maybe not yet that causes me to realize that He is bigger and sovereign and better than the very thing I'm longing for. It's like a daily living sacrifice and a choice to remember that no good thing will He withhold from them that walk with Him. And so I draw inspiration from your words and praise God for the strength that He's given you and your husband in your mutual sacrifice of desires.