Monday, August 13, 2012

Life is not fair

When we were just little kids I remember either my siblings or I would often say: "That's not fair" about something, like the fact that our friends got to eat sugar, or that one sibling ended up staying up later on a particular night, or that someone had more toys than us (just your run of the mill selfish kid stuff).  Mama's classic answer every time was: "Life's not fair".  Sounds cruel, yes?  I don't think so.  Because you know what?  Life indeed is not fair in many many ways. 

I find myself on nights like this telling God that life is not fair.  I see people that I love getting hurt, while others' lives seem to be perfect with no pain.  I see children suffering, while others have every blessing you could imagine.  I see people get pregnant on accident, while friends and family of mine struggle with infertility.  I see friends who have longed for years to get married remain single into their late 30s - 40s, while others meet and marry practically before they are out of high school.  I see hard working men get laid off, while others have to turn down multitude of job offers.  ... Holy cow.  Life really is not fair! 

And I hate that I'm a selfish person.  I hate when I find myself comparing my life to others (which I know by the way is stupid on so many levels). And so often I look at my own life and hate the unfairness of it.  I'm after all the one who always wanted children.   And here I am another year older, and it feels like we're no closer to adoption than we were when we first got married.   We spent tonight with a group of friends all of whom are years younger - many of whom are on their 2nd or 3rd child.  And it doesn't feel fair.  And I hate myself for even feeling this way.  I honestly love that God has blessed these girls with these perfectly beautiful babies.  These girls were from a group of high school girls I led in a Bible study when I was a young college student.  I called them "my girls", and I love each one.  And I would be so heart broken if one of them couldn't have children, so I really am overjoyed at how God has blessed them.  But, that selfish part of me just wants to lay down and scream and kick my feet and say: "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" 

Why does God let life be unfair?  I mean, He's God right?  He could snap his fingers and make everyone have equal blessings and make everything fair.  But you know what?  He knows better.  He didn't, after all, make us all the same.  He also knows that this life isn't all there is for us, He's making our place in heaven more perfect than anything we can imagine here on earth.  And I think that maybe, just maybe, He allows different experiences, different suffering, different joys, different challenges to grow us in ways that are only possible through the pathway of unfairness. 

And you know what else?  There IS part of life that actually is fair.  God offers us all the exact same relationship with Himself - the majestic Creator of the universe.  He promises to hear every single prayer, He promises to be with each of us 100% of our lives, He loves each of us without playing favorites.  He forgives all our sins no matter what that sin is.  He sees us through the blood of Jesus and makes us holy.  He is fair and just and perfect.  And I am so so so in love with the God who would love me so much.  So much that He knows I'll grow more because of the yucky and hard bits of life.  So much that He cares more for my spiritual health than He does for my physical comfort and momentary happiness.  He sees the bigger picture.

I don't need life to be fair.  Because I have a God who is fair with His love.

1 comment:

  1. We're going to get a baby before you know it! Just don't lose hope.