Love

As today is the last day of March I wanted to end our discusion about how to be a good wife/husband while in chronic pain with a focus on what LOVE rally is. In our cultue I find that the true love that God craeted is often messed up and confused with things that it definately is NOT. How can we change our view of love into what it really is? The clearest picture of true love that I have ever found is in the Bible in 1 Corinthians. Many of us have heard this passage over and over again at weddings, or preached for Valentine's Day etc. But Have we really taken the time to look at each description of what love is? One very good way to measure how you match up with trye love is by simply taking LOVE (or it's adjective) and replace it with your own name. Every time I do this I feel humbled and I see which areas I need to work on. I truly believe that if we consiously and diligently practice love as describled here in regard to our spouces we will naturally do all the things that I have written about this month in being a good spouce. It all boils down to love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
5It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.

8Love never fails.

Tone of voice

Isn't it crazy how the tone of voice in which almost anything is said can completely change the meaning and interpretation of what it means? For example:
"Ali ANNE" (said with inflection on ANNE and in a stern voice is punishing)
"Ali Anne" (said in a soft and loving voice is endearing)
"I love spinach" (said in a sarcastic tone means that you actually hate spinach - said in an exuberant tone means that you actually DO love spinach!)

Tone on voice is one of the things that we who are in chronic pain can control, and the power of this tool is invaluble for the way we relate to the ones we love. My husband called today, and I have been very sick basically on bedrest all day. I had the choice to either sound sad and dejected or to sound peaceful and joyful amidst the pain that I am enduring. If I chose to sound depressed and angry it would very likely have ruined the rest of my husband's day. He would be worrying about me, probably wondering if I was angry with him, wishing that I could live above the pain ... As it was I chose to be peaceful and joyful when I talked to him. He knows that I am sick, he doesn't need a continual reminder how bad I feel. What he does need is to know that even though I am in pain and sick, I am at peace and I have joy.

It may seem like a small thing, but the effect that our tone of voice has on our spouces is huge. Even on days when I don't feel like being happy - the choice to love my husband enough to choose happiness in my tone of voice is one that I can make with God's grace.

Choices

I didn't expect this day to go as it did. Either did my husband. He was working out in the rain and suddenly found himself with a dead truck. I was sitting all cozy on the couch when he called me to come andget him in our car. I don't drive much - but thankfully I was close and I went to see what could be done. Just that simple thing and I could have gotten mad at the truck for breaking , or mad at my husband for driving an ulreliable truck, or mad at God for making it cold and rainy today - in that moment when I heard his voice on the phone I had a choice to make my attitude good or bad. By God's grace I choose to have a good attitude about it ad jumped in the car to go to hi rescue. The smile on his face when he saw me pull in next to the truck was all the reward that I needed. I thought that I would end up going back to sitting on the couch visiting with my sisters and brothers ... but instead I ended up helping my mother-in-law with some work for her small farm (long story but we had to wait at the farm to charge the truck's battery). I didn't want to help out there because it was cold and I know how my body reacts to cold. But since it was just an hour I did what I could and she was very grateful. My husband and I got to drive together from dropping the truck off at the mechanic and had a spontanious little afternoon date while we talked about our day and dreamed about our future. It was a lovely afternoon and so much joy came out of something that could have been so bad.

All of this would have been totally different if I have chosen to react badly to the crisis of a vehicle breaking down and my husband having to stop work in the middle of the day. A split-second choice can affect so much, and our attitude is often the only thing we can control.