Monday, May 9, 2011
Yesterday was a lovely mother's day celebrating with family. As I rushed through the weekend (lots of preparations, shopping, cooking, cleaning) I kept feeling like I was forgetting something. Last night after the business of celbration died down I sat down to regroup and suddenly I realized what I was missing all weekend long: my babies. I sometimes feel like a mama who was made to be a mom but my arms are not holding a baby. I'm not gonna lie - this pain of being childless hurts worse than any physical pain I ever have had. Life is not all peaches and cream. We ALL suffer in some way. I'm not going to say that I am always happy facing the fact that I will never feel a baby move inside me or give my Husband a child that looks like him (because that child would be the cutest thing ever!). I have days were I can hardly breath because I long so deeply to be a mother.
BUT - I am also learning that I can be excited for what God has in store - and even though my ability to give birth to a child is taken away (and I will probably always grieve this in some way) God will work good out of this sadness if I let Him. We ALL have some kind of suffering and we don't often get to choose. But we do have choice over what we do with that suffering. If we allow it to make us bitter and hateful, or trusting and full of love and joy. I can honestly say that I don't hate mother's day. I rejoice in the beauty of motherhood around me and I pray that God will put me in that club someday - but even if He doesn't ever give us a baby - I know that God will use the mothering gift He has given me to love children He puts in our path. I choose to rejoice in His plan and know that He is the Redeemer who turns good things out of garbage. His blessings are sometimes in disguise.
The song above is a song that I heard today for the first time and LOVE the truth contained in the lyrics. Listen to it when you have some time to be alone with God. Rejoice that He can use even the deepest pain for His glory and that is the best blessing of all.