I'm not sure why I have to keep re-learning this one lesson - I guess I'm not the smartest cookie out there. Ever since I was a teenager I realized that starting my day out with God - singing songs, reading the Bible, giving my day to Him in prayer ... helped my attitude and focus be better throughout the day. My life has become very busy again over the past few days, and I guess I got cocky and was so excited about life and how well things were going (not to mention that I hardly had time to think I was so busy!) that I neglected my time with God - maybe a quick prayer here and there but no time first thing to just be still and put my day into His hands. Then IT happened. I found myself in a place of selfishness and found that when things got hard I shrunk back from doing what was right. I just didn't have the strength in myself to handle the situation well. And although I got through it, I was ashamed that I wasn't stronger and that I let my feelings get hurt and let my tone become snarky rather than patient when things didn't go the way I was expecting them to go.
I immediately knew that this was because I hadn't been covering the situation and my responsibilities with prayer and I wasn't walking in deep fellowship with God. And I knew so deeply that I can't do it alone.
I think so much of life is like this - dealing with health issues, raising children, work situations, relationships ... if we loose sight of the fact that we NEED God every moment we will mess things up. We're human, and we all make mistakes and have times when we are not beautiful - and when we try and do things in our own strength it will eventually run dry. We/I NEED to be in continual contact with the One who is stronger and who can help me through the most tricky moments in life. Life is not easy - it's hard and messy and painful at times. This world isn't heaven. If I don't focus my attention on God I can't make it through with a smile on my face.
So I guess this is just a reminder to all of us - but to myself in particular, to stay close to God. It's not worth it to try and do things in our own strength.