The last few days have been interesting I think I say "interesting", when I don't want to complain and say that they were crummy. Well, now you all know my trick - so I guess I will have to find a different word to use when I cannot be honest and say that everything is "good", but don't want to complain and say that they are "bad". But no I'm now rabbit trail!
On Thursday we had a big doctor appointment that was disappointing.
Then on Friday I went to work at our old farm doing wedding flowers to help out (we moved so are no longer really working on the farm but they needed help with this big wedding and we needed to pay a bill). I got super dizzy and weak feeling, as well as sharp pain when I breathed in and had to leave early - and have been feeling dizzy, weak, light-headed and like I have an elephant sitting on my chest ever since.
All of that to say - that I have been waiting for almost 2 months to show our new house to my sweetest little sister and have her darling boys come and play with them in our creek - make cookies with them ... but when she headed over I had to tell her that I can't handle a long visit - so she, and my brother's family stopped by for an hour and then went off to spend the day at the farmer's market and make dinner together. I loved to see my nephews, and sis, and brother and sis in law. But I was feeling like passing out, couldn't make the cookies of even play much with the boys. My house was messy when I had wanted it to be so cute for their visit. And I felt like I pushed them out the door after a short visit. Everything in me wanted to go with them to the market .. but everything in my body wanted to just lay down and never move again.
Do people think i am anti-social? I am sure they do. And I wouldn't blame them one bit. But it hurts to want to be with others that I love so much, but knowing that I cannot do the things I want because my body is always ruining my plans. Is God bigger than these hurts? Does He have the power to redeem even the sadness of being unable to be with those I love? YES - one hundred times yes. Does that take away the sadness? Not really - but it DOES give me courage to smile and choose joy even in the tears. Holding on to His mighty and strong hand gives me strength to get up tomorrow and find ways to show love to the people that I care so much about - even if that isn't in being as social as I wish that I could
The choice to be in pain isn't given to me; but the choice to live a happy life and learn to be all that I can be is up to me.