Thursday, November 10, 2011

A shoulder to cry on ...

Last night I was watching true story about a sweet young woman who had given birth to a still born baby.   It was a heart-breaking story. I cannot imagine that pain and loss.  She was pregnant again and struggling with panic and fear that she would loose this baby too (she didn't!). 

The pain of loosing a child must be nearly unbearable.  I have sat with one of my closest friends and cried with her when she lost a baby.  There is no comfort to offer in those moments.  My friend told me the worst "comforting words" were from people who told her that she was young and could have more babies.  She wanted to be allowed to grieve the loss of THIS baby and not have her pain belittled in any way.  Every person has suffering and pain unique to them.  No one can feel someone else's pain. 

Back to the story I saw last night: one thing this young lady said stood out to me.  She said that when her baby died her group of friends grew silent.  No one called.  No one commented.  No one was there.  Just silence.  She felt neglected in her time of greatest need.  What a shame!  But, unfortunately it is not rare for this to happen.  Pain, loss, death, cancer, mysterious illnesses, divorce, affairs, loss of faith .. all of these times of deep suffering are hard for people to bear.  Friends may disappear because they feel it is too hard to walk through this suffering.  People don't know what to say because they feel if they say the wrong thing they will cause more pain.  It's human nature to want to shrink away from pain - in others as well as in ourselves.  But I am challenging us all to NOT.  You don't have to have the answers.  You don't have to know some amazing thing to say to that friend who is hurting.  You don't have to feel comfortable with the situation.  You just have to be there.  Offer support in little ways: make a meal, offer to babysit, pray for them (and let them KNOW!), call them on the phone, send a text, offer to clean their house .. drive them to the doctor ... there are SO many ways to offer support. 

I long to be a better friend to those around me.  I sometimes shrink back just because in this place of life we are in I don't get the opportunity to be away from the house much or even have people over much .. BUT I can still pray and I can send a message to someone who is hurting.   Don't do nothing just because you can't do everything.  Together we can ease some of the pain around us and at least offer a shoulder for that friend to cry on when they need it.


  1. "Don't do nothing just because you can't do everything." - I tend to do just that. I get so overwhelmed with the possibilities, and how little I can actually do, that I forget even the littlest of things can make a big difference. I may not feel like I'm making a difference at all...but God could be doing something huge; I just don't see it. I guess every drop of rain does matter, and together - we make all the difference. Every effort matters.

    I guess personally, God is trying to show me that though I cannot do everything - I can do something, and though it may not make a major difference in the grand scheme of things, it does matter, and I should do it. I can't let numbers discourage me, or fear paralyze me. I'm learning to be courageous - to act despite being afraid. Doing things though I may fail, and not giving up when it gets hard, or when I do start to fail. The result of my efforts is up to God. "Do what you can, and leave the rest to God." (It's not about me anyways. It's about God. "God is everything; to everyone." He is everywhere; apart of everything. He can do what I can't. He can fulfill the needs of anyone, everyone.)

  2. You may not get a lot of comments, but you are SUCH an encouragement to many of us. We have a daughter with chronic "issues" as you have. God is enough for every day, and we've yet to go under. Thought we would sometimes, but nope. The next morning we were still under God's care and his loving eyes. Love you - and pray for you each time you post. Rosemarie K