Sunday, September 12, 2010

Social Situations

I was in a full room - of strangers. When suddenly I knew that I NEEDED to take a pain pill. There are times when the pain is just too much and suddenly I realize that if I don't take care of it right then it will ruin the entire day. Thankfully we had brunch so I had a glass of juice in front of me. But we were in a small group that had broken off the bigger roomfull and we were sitting in a circle. First day in a new Sunday school class - a married couples class. We resently began attending a new church since we moved away from a church we had been attending for 20 years ... so I want to start out my time in this new group with my health NOT being the only thing people see about me. I think maybe I am sensitive to not wanting that to be "who" I am because for so many years I have been surrounded by people who know so much about my health because they have been instrumental to caring for me - my old church would bring me meals, drive me to doctors, visit me in the hospital, even give money to help cover doctor bills, and most importantly pray for me. It's not that I don't appreciate all that these dear friends have been in my life, it's just that I want people to know me for other reasons first.

But today I had to take a pill. So I quitely and quickly snuck into my purse and slipped out my pill bottle and took the pill. I honestly don't think anyone thought anything of it. Maybe they did, but hopefully they didn't. I made sure that no one could see the label, and I didn't make eye contact with anyone during that moment. In hindsight, I should have put the pills into a mint container and it would have just looked like I was taking a breathmint! I need to learn to be discrete and find ways to not draw attention to my health status. Being is new social situations can be stressful, and it can make me very self-consious that people won't just see me as "the sick one". I want to develope relationships with people first before I let them into this intimate part of my life. I don't think there is anything wrong with this. I think it is normal to want to be "normal". It isn't that I don't accept that I have cronic health conditions and pain that will possibly be part of my life forever - it's just wanting there to be more to me than JUST my health.

What are your thoughts on this?

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