Monday, September 13, 2010

some days are just no fun ... BUT I still hope

Today all I have wanted to do is cry. I woke up to the feeling of chest pain: my pericarditis is acting up again. I got my husband off to school and laid back down. Soon I was up again to begin a list of things I needed to accomplish for my self-employed job, and my job as wife. One thing after another and it seemed that nothing was easy today. The computer work took way longer than it should have and I had to quit several times to attend to other duties. Eating was a challenge. I had a tiny bowl (more like a small handfull) of dry cereal. I put laundry into the washer. Then a needed trip into town - this took 2 hours. When I finally got home there were groceries to unload and put away - and my husband was home from school. Time to make an early dinner for him before he went to work at the restaurant. By the time he was ready to head off to work my chest was screaming at me so I tried to lay down. But that didn't last long as my duties called once again. Phone calls with people needing help. Phone calls with people wanting to plan get togethers. All i want to do is cry but there is no time or place. So now finally I am done with most of today's chores (except the dishes which somehow miraculously pile up every time I do them), and the laundry that is still in the dryer (oh well that can wait until tomorrow). Everyone has bad days. Those of us with constant pain in our bodies have to know that it isn't JUST us who have bad days. Pain can set the stage for a bad day - but again, some of my happy days have been days when I was in a lot of pain too. It's the ups and downs of life. I want you all to know that i am a very "normal" person who definately has bad days. I also have better than good days. I don't know how I would get through days like today without the knowledge that there is a bigger picture and that it will all be good one day in heaven. I don't know how I could survive without God. The reason that I can have hope and be happy even on days when I don't feel like smiling much at all, is all because of God. Hope makes the darkest day bearable. God makes life worthwhile.

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