Today I have been reading and re-reading many of the Psalms. I am on my face before God after someone confronted me with very hurtful words in regard to my health. I want to be humble enough to accept even very hurtful words with grace, and to go before the Only One Who really knows my deepest heart and beg Him to show me if there is anything I can learn from this. I want to fight against the fleshly desire to disappear because of the hurt I am experiencing. I want to allow God and God alone to judge. I want to stand in security and confidence in what I know is true even if the whole world should doubt me.
I knew that in having this blog, and trying to live truthfully before the world dealing with pain would cause people to probably judge me in some way. I chose long ago to allow God to work through what He had allowed in my life, even if that meant that I had to let others in to this part of my life that would be uncomfortable at times. I have faced criticisms in the past about the way I live with pain, and I have had to admit that I didn't and don't always deal with it well. I have had people tell me their magic "cure" or tell me what they think is really wrong with me over and over again. I have tried to weed through advise and ideas and try those that made sense and even some that didn't. I want to be open to advise about my life - even when it is hard sometimes. I want to be willing to seek God's truth in every area of my life even if it hurts. The Bible is pretty clear about accepting instruction, and I take that very seriously.
What I ask of you my friends and family is that you be honest when giving me advise. Don't hide behind anonymity when you come to me with ideas or advise about my health or anything else. Treat me with the kind of respect you would want to be treated if someone came to you with similar advise. Some of my closest friends and family and I have been through times of loving but hard confrontation which allowed for honest communication and healing and truth to come forward. Please - if ANY of you doubt me or have questions about me and my health please come to me and in love let's communicate. My personal email is aliwenz78@gmail.com
I realize that it isn't my job to make people believe anything - and ultimately, God is the One who will judge every area my life for Himself. But my life and this issue affects those around me, and I desire to live a God-honoring life in regards to every area and that includes my health.
You are a very wise young woman, Ali. Seek the truth, if there is any, in what people speak into your life. Learn from it what you can.
ReplyDeleteSome people will never understand what it means to live with chronic pain from several afflictions. How fortunate they are to have their health. But how unfortunate that they stand in judgment of those of us who don't.
If we leave these things in God's hands, He will vindicate us in His way and in His time. We can't change others, or what they think of us, we can only control how we respond to them.
You are one of the walking wounded, learning to dance with broken bones. I applaud you for taking such a risk in opening up your life to others, being willing to absorb the added pain that you knew this could bring into your life.
♥