Saturday, November 20, 2010

Out of Control ...

My nose has been completely unreasonable for over a month now. Like tonight: I felt ok my nose is behaving for the last 1/2 hour so I decide to go to bed. As SOON as my head hits the pillow I cannot breath out of my nose. After trying decongestants, antihistamines, mucus stuff, naturopathic stuff, regular nose spray, drinking water til it comes dripping out of my eyes ... I finally ask my doctor about it (small rabbit trail: waiting to mention seamingly "regular" health issues is something typical with chronicly "ill" people - or at least with me - I feel so guilty about getting an ordinary cold, or really anything that seems unrelated to the regular and more pressing concerns, that I wait til it is unavoidable. So yesterday my doctor tells me that my nose (which I think is just a really long cold or some reaction to a cold) is probably something inflamatory related to other issues.  So, tonight as I lay down my nose immediately decided to be ... well annoying. Up and down for about 2 hours by now, and my nose is just not going to let me sleep much tonight - it's already 1:46. I have NO control over my nose! In fact, as I think about it: I have no control over a lot of what happens with my body. Even if I do everything "right" and eat only the healthiest food, and get enough sleep, and have no stress in my life, I still cannot control a lot of what goes on in my body. I cannot will my heart to keep beating if it decides to stop.

Now, for a slightly OCD and slightly control freak, this is unsettling. It's unsettling until ... I lay my body (nose and all) at the feet of the God who created that body - every part. He knows all about my body and how it works (or doesn't at times) and He also know what is best. We live in a world stained by sin and sickness and the wearing out of our bodies is part of that. BUT - God has made a way for the redemption of my body and a life someday totally void of sickness and a nose that misbehaves. Ahhhhh I can finally rest. I can rest in the peace that even when everything around me - and often inside my body is working to show me that I am not in control - GOD ... my wonderfull, personal, powerful, and all-knowing God, has me and my body in His hands.

Nose and all.

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