Sunday, November 28, 2010

Putting together the pieces

I used to have an amazing naturopathic doctor who was wonderful at putting the pieces together and thinking outside of the box. I have a lot of unknowns with my health and lots of pieces that seem like they should be connected but we're still missing some pieces to the puzzle. I am realizing that we may never be able to find those pieces. This naturopathic doctor would take the time to look hard - which is sadly lacking in many specilty doctors out there. She made me feel like she cared honestly about me and that I wasn't crazy even before we found out some of the concrete things that we now know - and when other doctors were throwing up their hands in confusion she assured me that I wasn't crazy.

I just spent a couple of hours looking over medical records and test results - which lead to many loose ends and I want so badly to have all those loose ends tied up and neat and tidy. I am unable to see this naturopathic doctor anymore.  We cannot afford the vitamins and suplements she would want me to be on ... and it's frustrating. I find myself confused over the never ending physical pain I have and wanting an answer to what has made my body go haywire - what has caused these conditions ... I find myself longing to go see this naturopathic doctor. With every definative diagnosis I get it seems to create more questions as to what is at the root of these things - and I want to know so many things. Sometimes the not knowing and understanding what exactly is going on with my body - or what organ will be affected next feels unbearable.

BUT ... (thank God for that small word!)

I don't NEED to know - because I know that God knows and I can lay my body - and every confusing and hurt part of it - into His care and I can rest in the peace that He has me in His hands and there is nowhere else I would rather be.

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