We talked about sharing what we have in Sunday School this morning. My husband and I aren't the richest people in the world. This morning was a reminder of that once again. It's humbling to need help and to be helped by others - but also so encouraging. I wish we didn't need the help - but we do at times. I have had so many wonderful people in my life who have helped pay off doctor, hospital and medication bills. Do I wish that I could have paid them off myself? Of course. I hate being seen as someone who needs help - financially or any other way. I long to serve the world around me too.
I also don't have the physical energy or wellness to enable me to do a ton of visiting and hanging out with people. It's probably the thing that is heardest about having pain every day. I want to be able to jump into my car (assuming I had one) and go drop off meals to friends in need, or just go and encourage someone who is hurting. I want to be able to baby-sit every day for people who need a break from childcare. But the reality of my life is that I can't do as much as I would like. It might be hard to understand that even sitting and chatting with friends could cause me to be unable to function much for a couple of days. A day shopping almost always takes a day or two to recover from. I am willing to take that risk of increased pain and I do plan and do things - because otherwise I would never interact in person with anyone. I love having people over to our home, I love hanging out with family and friends - but I cannot do it as much as I would like to - or what's worse as much as others would like me to do. There are limits that I fight against, but am trying to be wise with what I am able to do without inhibiting me to do all the things I need to do to be a good wife and not end up in the ER.
BUT I do have something that many people would just drool over - and that is TIME. Because of my life and being unable to work much outside of the home and because of the fact that I need down time to be able to stay functioning - I end up with lots and lots of time where I am just alone and stuck in my house - or even stuck laying down in bed. I have battled against this time over and over again. I sometimes feel guilty when pretty much everyone I know is rushing around like crazy so so busy that they don't have time for anything. But, I am realizing that I need to rejoice in this gift God has given me of time. It is a resource - and although I don't have much money to give to those in need, or even physical presence to be somewhere all the time ministering to those in need - I have time and it is precious. I sometimes look at the limits that are on that time and feel like it is useless. I am pretty much "trapped" in this basement that I live in (and some of that is because I am caring for my elderly Grandmother who needs someone to just BE here to help her stay safe) and I have at more times that I would like given up on using my time to bring glory to God or to help others (these two are often intertwined). So, I am trying to learn to use these hours that could just be lonely hours of wasted time. If I really believe that prayer is as powerful as I say it is, then why am I not praying more for those who need it (which is everyone). I can name right now several families who are getting ready to say good-bye to loved ones battling cancer. I know of so many kids who are struggling in broken homes, or dealing with poverty. I have seen the faces of those who have no hope. I know personally people who are questioning the very existence of God. And yet I have the stupidity to think that my hours of "free" time are useless? Let me get on my knees and come before the Creator of this whole earth - and each person in it, and let me pray with passion for the needs of people around me. My time is a gift. May I use it to encourage others, to do something worthwhile.