Thursday, September 22, 2011


Well, it's 1:32 am and here I sit unable again to sleep.  Lately it's been 2 or 3 before I can finally fall to sleep no matter how much I do during the day or if I take a nap or how early or late I sleep in.  Sleep is a problem for a lot of us with any type of chronic pain.  I think somehow at night when I don't have the distractions of daytime and everything is quiet that pain thinks (in a mean sinister voice): "ahhh HA now she'll finally pay attention to ME -MWAAHHAHA".  Or sometimes the way we sleep can cause pain to be worse - you should see how many pillows I use to prop my silly body just right so that I feel less pain!  My sweet Farmer Boy laughs at how precise I am with placing my pillows, teddy bear (yes I do sleep with a silly old bear because he is much firmer than a pillow and gives me pressure on my ribcage just where I need it ), and blanket just perfect so that I can get the best least pain night possible.  But obviously it doesn't always work.  

Now, before you all send me messages about how to get better sleep, I DO get pretty decent sleep most of the time.  But, I don't like the times when I go through that I can't sleep, and especially dealing with pain it would be best for me to sleep good every night.  BUT, for tonight (and other sleepless nights) and for those of you who are in the same boat, it is important for us to find peace even in something as annoying as not being able to sleep (from pain, or too busy a mind, or whatever reasons). 

One of the things that has saved a lot of my sanity (no wise cracks people), is simply to get up.  I can usually tell within a half hour to an hour of getting in bed if I will be able to fall to sleep or not.  If I lay there I go crazy (and wake up the sweetest man on earth with my tossing and turning) - so getting up is the best bet for me.  And then I try and do something useful (like BLOG haha), or read the Bible, or pray, or I try doing something relaxing like rub my feet with lotion, watch TV, talk to any other late night people on facebook, read ...  It REALLY helps.  If I am not gonna sleep anyway at least I am DOING something rather than seething with anger at not being able to sleep!  I try to ask God to give me peace and realize that I'll get through this night and He will be with me no matter what.  I'm not in crazy pain tonight - but I have had times when the pain was so bad and I was up alone just breathing through it.  It felt so scary to be alone in that kind of pain - but turning to God in those moments is the ONLY thing that got me through.   I also have found that sometimes the very best times I have with God are in the silent night when it seems I am awake for no reason other than to be alone with Him.  I feel like He has kept me awake to romance me, and I treasure those times - writing, meditation on Bible verses, and just rejoicing in a God who never sleeps!   Why become a victim to sleepless nights - why not allow God to use even such an annoying thing to shape me to be more like Him? 

Now, I'm not saying that I am gonna seek out being sleepless, or that I am not going to try to find ways to get more healthy sleep (God created it for our bodies and we need it to deal with pain and to be healthy!)  What I am saying is that in the meanwhile and in THIS moment of sleeplessness I'm gonna rejoice that I'm not alone in the dark, and that God can use even this.  How I love Him for being awake with me and never leaving me alone.

It's now 2:06 am - and I'm getting sleepy. :)

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