Monday, May 24, 2010

I never meant to hurt you

I am sure that over the years I have lost many friends because of my health. I know that I lost potential dates an even serious boyfriends because of my health (THANK GOD - as I am married to the best man around!) I know that I have lost ministry opportunities because of my health (and maybe these are the ones that hurt the most). I have lost jobs because of my health. I have had times when I was so sure that where I was would last forever - that I would be involved in a certain ministry, relationship, role for years to come. And then it all ended - sometimes with actual reasons that I couldn't continue because of my health, sometimes with other members of the relationship etc. explaining to me how my health made me unsuitable for the possition. There have been times when I had to step down because of my health, other times when I have been asked to step down because of my health. And then there have been times when people were wonderfully friendly until they found out about my health issues and then suddenly they were gone. I doubt that I am alone in this experience.

These things hurt. But, I think the thing that I would want to say to all of those people who have doubted me over the years is that it's ok. God has used every hurt to grow me closer to the One who never disappoints. There are times in life for different experiences, and even the negative ones can be used by God if we let Him! I also want to say that I know that my health may make you uncomfortable. I know that my health may cause you more work, or heartache, or stress ... and I never want that for you. I never want to be a buren, but this is the body that I have been given to live in, and there is nothing I can do about this except to do my best to live well and filled with joy for the glory of God. I am sorry that my health has caused you pain, or inconvinience, or stress. I am sorry that I wasn't a good enough or healthy enough friend, worker, etc. I never meant to hurt you through my health. I am very aware of the fact that my health is too much for some people, and that is ok. God has led me to people who love and accept me unconditionally. I know that He will continue to work in your life as well as mine to teach us what He wants of us and to grow us more into the people we were created to be. Even the sweetest friend I have on earth - my husband, needed extra time to learn how to love and accept me as I am. God has taught me many things through all of these experiences in my life, and I know also that the way I handled my pain at times caused more pain to those around me. For this i am very sorry. We are all growing and you as well as I need to turn to the One who created us in this pursuit of loving others. I never meant to hurt you - and I thank God that He uses even hurts in our lives to bring us closer to Him and to teach us to love others even through illness.

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