Holding a Baby

I just asked my husband what a good pain managment tool that I use to help with my pain - and he said, "holding babies". This made me laugh (inside so as not to hurt his feelings), but the I realized that he has a very valid point. I adore babies. There is nothing on earth like the feeling of a newborn baby sleeping on my chest - his tiny hand grasping my shirt, the smell of heaven lingering on his soft hair. I can hold a sleeping baby for hours, and I feel as if I were in heaven. There is something about babies and small children that seem to make my pain ease and make me able to do things that I could never do before. If a baby or child needs me to hold them, I suddenly have the energy I need (to a point!), even on some of my very bad days I can suddenly rally my strength (which I didn't think I had) to talk to or play with my neices or nephews. I was in the hospital last month, very weak and in a great deal of pain. When my nephews came to visit I was suddenly more awake and I did whatever I could to try and make them feel at home and not afriad of all the tubes coming out of me and the strange hospital room. By the end of their visit, my 2 years old nephew (who had been very afraid when he came into the room) was sitting in my arms on the hospital bed, eating ice chips with me and touching my IV with excitment, and talking and laughing with me. I had been in a drugged slumber before he came into the room. Maybe it's my mother's instincts growing, but I think that the need and trust that a baby or small child puts in me makes me rally all my energy to get through and be the best that I can be. A baby or tiny child doesn't know that I am sick. They see me and love me and I think because they don't see my pain I am more inspired and encouraged to manage it better. Because they need me to be strong I am able to be. They believe that I am invincible and a hero and this makes me believe it for a while. Their magic passes on to me.

It will be 3 years before we'll be able to begin adopting babies of our own (Lord willing). But I believe that even though it will be extreamly difficult at times to have to raise children while being in pain (I will probably need a nanny or some kind of help) it will be one of the best pain managment tools that I could ever have. It will also have moments of causing my pain to flair if I am not careful. It will take a lot of work and discipline to know how to be super mom without burning out - but with God's help, and the magic of babies - I think I will be able to be a good momma.