Happy while crying?

Today it rained. And as I watched the raindrops hit the windshield I began to cry. Another new specialist that we had hoped might find some answer for what is going on in my body to cause this pain and sickness had shrugged us off - having no clue as to what she can do to help give us an answer. As the silent tears ran down my cheek I felt utter hopelessness in doctors, I felt such deep grief over having to endure test after test, new doctor after new doctor, surgery after surgery. Such agony of not being the energetic and healthy wife that I want to be for my sweet man. The grief was so thick I could taste it.

BUT (how I love that word, in the midst of that utter grief, I was surprised to feel incredible peace and - yes happiness! I can't describe it. It felt as if the pain that I was feeling was just the surface and underneath there was this joy that cannot be quenched. A hope in the One Who never fails, Who knows all about me, Who knows my future and offers me so much to look forward to! God is my smile - even in the tears this life brings.