I didn't get back on last night to post, and it is all I can do to sit here and type this morning. Today I am calling my doctor to talk about pain management as the pain is becoming unbearable.
Am I still happy? Yes. It is different than what the world would think happiness should appear. I'm sitting here in my PJs, it will be a miracle if I can get anything done around the house, I am in too much pain to talk on the phone or have a friend over ... I feel fear over how to deal with this pain and grief over all because of the limits this puts on my life.
BUT in the midst of it all I rejoice (and no I am not making this up!), I rejoice in the hope I have for an eternity someday without pain, without tears, without loneliness, without disappointments. I rejoice in the small things around me like the sound of the Canada Geese flying overhead, and the warm PJs I am wearing, of the thought of my sweet husband coming home tonight and the wonderful comfort he is to me in times like these ... I do rejoice! When the pain feels like it will consume me entirely, rejoicing is a discipline, a chore even, but it is possible and I am finding that out every day.
God is amazing to make joy in the middle of intense suffering!
Yes, God is amazing, and through Him, you are amazing, too. You are an encouragement and an inspiration to me. Thank you for blogging through your pain, and giving hope to others. Suffering with joy in spite of the pain honors the Lord.
ReplyDeleteHi Ali! Welcome to the chronic illness/Christian blogging world. There are SO many of us trying to show joy and God's love and that our life still has purpose in spite of suffering, and your title of your blog and attitude is perfect! I hope you can gain inspiration from finding other ill bloggers who are finding a new "normal" and a new kind of happy. I just mentioned your blog in my latest post at http://bluebirdyliving.blogpot.com so you will have a bit more traffic in a while!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Sheila/Bluebirdy