We've been married for almost 9 months now, and we are on our second "home". God has blessed us with our little first home which we loved - our little home on the water (the puget sound). When rent became too much and we were offered a house-sitting job which was also by the water (a lovely pond) and a wonderfully beautiful craftsmans home. But neither of these have really felt like our "own" home. Being young and in love we feel that we would find and make a home wherever we end up - but there is something about having a home that can feel like it is your own. Today we began renovations on our little basement appartment at my Grammie's house. My attitude was not good at the beginning of the day (in fact last night after typing my blog I had a mini- meltdown about how tired I was after having to do much more work this week than I am used to doing) - the thought of a day working and not getting a chance to lay down during the day was daunting to say the least. But God helped me get my attitude stright after we were on our way and the day ended much better than it began. The thought of a home that we can paint and call our "own" is just the most wonderful blessing that I can imagine at this point in our young marriage.
I am so thankful!
But I am also ashamed at my attitude over the last night. I truly was typing what I believed that even though I was tired I could find joy. I think that where I went wrong was in not admitting how very hard it is to not have my own privacy and feeling like I can't really rest in our current living situation. From that I see that a very important part of living in chronic pain involves being honest and even just talking with someone close to you about what you feel - not complaining but just in being honest. Life is NOT easy - and even though there is joy amidst the pain, the pain is real and the effects of living with the limits of pain are real. What a balace! But with God's help I will learn that balance!