When I was a little girl I would sometimes wake up with nightmares and I would call out for my momma to come and make me feel safe. I needed her - no one else could fill that place of need in my heart.
Feeling needed - being needed is something that gives some purpose to life. When you are always in pain or sick it seems that people begin to learn that they can't rely on you and you loose bit by bit the joy of being needed. Over the last 6 months I have had to give up many of the things that used to make me feel useful and needed: my job (which I LOVED), my ministry with he young people at our church (which I had been doing for over 10 years), the dream of a baby to adopt (at this point at least), and more. But I am bound and determined to not let this make me un-needed.
I think what is key here is fighting hard to be useful in whatever capacity God allows you to be useful. That is a big reason that I started this blog. I don't know if anyone is reading it, but I hope that it can be an encouragement and challenge to others as well as to myself as I walk this journey. Yes, there are many things that I cannot do at this moment, BUT there are many things that I CAN do. Rather than focus on the things I have lost I need to purpose myself to focus on the things that I am needed for - the things that I have even gained BECAUSE of my pain. I began an online facebook Bible study last spring when I was on bed-rest. Now this group has grown to 182 members! We are reading through the whole Bible this year. I feel needed to every day read and begin discussions about the passages we are reading. I feel needed to keep up with this blog. There are things that I can do for my husband when I am feeling good enough I can cook or do laundry, just spend time with him .. God has given me so much.
I am sure that if you look you can find things that you are needed for. It may be that you are laying in a bed somewhere and you can't get up. But you can pray - and that is big! It's not so much about what you DO but your attitude in life. Choosing to be part of life even when you don't feel like it is so important. And this is the choice that I have made.