Wednesday, January 6, 2010


This morning I slept until almost noon - and would have kept sleeping if the phone didn't ring. I was up super late last night, so the day seemed very short and I was quite tired and it was just not a good day so I had to lay on the couch most of the day. Times like this I struggle with guilt. My husband if off working in the chilly wet winter weather, my sister is busy getting used to a new baby while continuing raising a little boy under 2, mom is always busy ... friends want to get together - the list could go on and on. Another thing that makes me feel guilty is that I have had to quit my job of farming and being a wedding florist which I loved so much. My doctor told me that I really shouldn't be working for more than an hour and a half at most per day. But I feel surrounded guilt for leaving that business.

What I am trying to do to help me solve this is to purpose myself to think that God has made it clear that there are things that I cannot do at this point in my life. This is not just me giving up on these things, it is part of the body I have been given, and I need to learn to live with these limitations. If those around me give me guilt, I have the choice right there to accept that guilt or to reject it. If it is guilt over something that I am just giving up on, that is one thing. But if it is guilt over something that I cannot help, I need to choose to reject it and believe the truth about my situation. So much of being healthy in a sick body is to have right thinking - and this is a big area that I want to work on this year.

One thing that I did today was clean up the kitchen which always makes me feel good (even if it only takes a moment) and I made a warm kale salad with bacon and feta which I invented last night for my husband on our anniversary. A simple dish which I served to my in-laws at a family dinner and they LOVED it. On "bad days" sometimes it is good to make sure that you do something totally unrelated to being sick (I know there are some days when that is impossible) I feel like this keeps me connected to others who are not sick which is so so important.

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